Ok, well maybe it is a LITTLE. I mean, who doesn’t love cupcakes and massages?!
In the early days of my daughter’s addiction, I would hear this term “self care” a lot. I was SO enthralled in grief, putting out daily fires and the constant chaos, that I was like “Who has TIME for that!”. Are you kidding me? How could I do nice things for myself, while my daughter was slowly disappearing ?
It felt very selfish of me.
Unnatural.
The thought of it wracked me in guilt.
Every waking moment I spent CONSUMED with her. Checking her social media, her cell call logs, her gps locations…I was literally going insane. How could I break away from that for a EVEN a MINUTE, let alone more, for SELF CARE? What if something HAPPENED!
I put myself last every time.
Until I cracked. Like a crazy cuckoo lunatic, kind of cracked! I am one of those people that remains calm for a LONG time and then WHAMMO! Hellooooo crazy train.
I knew I needed to do something…I couldn’t lose my job, I needed to be PRESENT for my husband and my youngest as well, not just THERE. You guys know exactly what I mean.
So I started to bike ride. I would put on my head phones, hop on my bike and pedal my way to the trail.
I remember sobbing the entire way the first time. And not like nice tears slowly trickling down my face, this was GOD AWFUL, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT LADY, kind of tears.
Every day after that I tried to do SOMETHING….and along this journey of healing, I realized a few things:
Self care actually means not taking that call from a “judgey” relative when you feel obligated to.
It can mean not responding immediately to that text from your loved one who’s struggling with addiction, as you instantly tense when you see their name pop up, in fear of what it will say.
It could be NOT doing the dishes RIGHT after dinner, and sit just a little longer and talk with your husband.
Speaking of husbands, it can also mean NOT talking about your loved ones addiction during dinner. When was the last time that happened?
Or maybe its making that call to a long lost friend thats been on your mind for so long and meeting her for a cup of coffee.
Self care is asking for help, for support, because man, this life is really tough sometimes.
Self care can just be the small little things we change on a daily basis. It can ALSO be those cupcakes and massages though…but its so much more!
Its embracing a life you enjoy today…not one you need to escape from.
Try to love yourself again…I promise, your healing will slowly begin.
Hugs,
Katie Donovan, katie@amothersaddictionjourney.com
When I first contacted you I was brand new to the world of addiction. Years later I now understand so much more. You were very kind to me while trying to explain the possible road. I didn’t get it then but I do now. Everyone of your blogs has helped me continue down this road with my daughter and I thank you for that. Love and hope to you and your family.
Thank you very much.
The same can also be said of parents dealing with understanding mental health issues exposing themselves in the kids. We had “a few” suicide ideation hospital stays (thankfully, no attempts), severe anxiety and depression, PTSD OCD, – you name it – through our adolecents/late teens.So hard to do what you describe in terms of caring for self, but a necessity if you are to remain sane and be able to cope. And a lot of prayer….All are now thriving now, thank God….
So very true
Katie, you couldn’t be more spot on- you have to take time to love yourself, nobody else is going to do it for you. My husband & I have been on this journey with our son for about 5 years now, experiencing every possible range of emotion on the dial and I felt exactly the same way you did, I was monitoring every device I could and tracking his every more- the craziness had to stop, I became a Whack-A Do!
I relate to everything you write in your blogs- Thank You! Each blog helps to remind me that we are not alone on this journey.Wishing you love, light, and blessings always,
You are definitely not alone!
My AD is in jail for about the 100th time. Finally they are court ordering to a rehab facility. Praying this is the last time for jail and a rehab.
My prayers are with you.
Perfectly and beautifully said Katie. Your beautiful thoughts are my thoughts. Thankful to not be alone in this journey. Time certainly heals. Three years ago I did not think I could survive…well I have and I will…time heals and life goes on. I want to live; joyfully! God bless you and your sharing of our thoughts. Xoxo
Keep up the good work and thank you very much.
Thank you for writing so well about our need for self-care. It’s so easily neglected, as you said. I like chocolate and taking time to rest.