I was recently connected with a young woman named Kassie. She is an extremely talented writer in recovery and I am honored to share one of her incredible poems.
“He”
It’s time to wake up, I heard him whisper,
It’s time to start your day,
I know you’re sick as a dog, he said,
But I’m here and it’s time to play
Remember that thing you used to have?
I believe it was self-respect,
Well now that it’s gone you are all mine,
I hope there’s no regret
I want you to sell your body to men,
I want you to steal that car,
I know that right now you can barely move,
But trust me and you will go far
Collect the money and buy some more,
So you can get off sick,
That’s when the fun will really start,
I’m here to get my kicks!
I’m here to watch you destroy your life,
With the help of my advice,
Day after day I watch you pray,
But they never reach the sky
I’ve told you once, I’ve told you twice,
You need me in your life,
Without me you’re an empty void,
You’re sad and filled with strife
So stop complaining about the pain,
I’ve taken your identity,
It will never get better, I heard him say,
I need you and you need me
So I slept with those men and stole that car,
Time and time again,
For he was right and in the end,
He was my only friend
Days turned into months,
And months turned into years,
The only thing that I could do,
Was obey and count my tears
And when I found myself in trouble,
With my hands behind my back,
I looked to him to help me out,
But he said I was right on track
I was broken, I was beaten,
I did not know what to do,
He told me to go buy some more,
That would surely get me through
So buy it? Yes, I really did,
And again I was led astray,
For this time I was almost dead,
I wouldn’t see another day
And in that busy hospital room,
There was only room for me,
I told him he must wait outside,
And for a moment I was free
But on day four I heard the whispers,
Saying we must leave,
So I unhooked myself from everything,
And again I was deceived
When I told him what had happened,
That I had almost died,
A big ole’ smile came on his face,
And he laughed until he cried
He told me death was coming,
That sooner or later I’d die,
He told me to go buy some more,
And then he’d tell me why
But this time I was wary,
I was tired of the pain,
And he had seeped into my soul,
And stayed just like a stain
So I scrubbed my soul as hard as I could,
Cleaning him away,
And in the midst of all the dirt,
I found a hidden buffet
There was the self-respect I’d lost,
Hiding in the middle,
And next to that was the self-will,
He had been playing like a fiddle
And next to that was all the strength,
He said I didn’t need,
And the self-love, faith, and hope,
He had hidden out of greed
And for the first time in 8 years,
I felt like I was truly me,
For the one whispering in my ear was gone,
The one I’d known as “He”
To see more of Kassie’s writings, check her out at https://kassiesullins.wixsite.com/herointoheroine
Hugs,
Katie
katie@amothersaddictionjourney.com
