One of the most absurd things I have ever heard is “They have to hit their rock bottom, before they will want help”. Or, “they have to be ready”, “They chose drugs over family”….What whatttttttt?!
Here are my thoughts….THAT IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS.
So let me get this straight, when my daughter is down in the worst part of Detroit, in crazy, dangerous situations, with the disease gripping every part of her soul, with people around her with weapons, sexually assaulting women, I’M SUPPOSED TO DO NOTHING?!
YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR DAMN MIND.
This is life or death. With the crap that’s being put in drugs right now, there isn’t a “rock bottom”. That is death. And by God, as a mother, I am not sitting around waiting for her to “wake up one day and be ready for help”.
I believe in intervening. I believe in advocating for our loved ones when they cannot advocate for themselves. When their brains are hijacked by the disease and are so lost, we MUST do whatever we can to help them get out of the grips of addiction.
This doesn’t mean that I will give her money and enable her disease. No, it means I will love with boundaries. Boundaries that I am comfortable with. Those boundaries can be different for every single family. YOU do what’s comfortable for YOU.
I believe in sending messages every day. I believe in calling my daughter every day and telling her I love her, that I believe in her, that I know she’s still there, inside.
This disease has brought me to my knees, praying and begging to God to give her pain to me. As a mother, to see your child in such emotional turmoil, it can practically kill us.
I can’t stand the term “tough love”. There are many versions of this, but many see this term as completely shutting them out of your life. Personally, I don’t agree with this. You can still be a part emotionally, while removing yourself from the chaos. We have to take a look at ourselves as well and stop blaming.
But man, that is hard to do.
“I paid for the court fees and now I have no money for rent”. “I can’t buy clothes for myself because I paid for her traffic tickets”. We can get into the cycle of blaming them for making our own lives unmanageable. When in all reality, we CHOSE to do those things and with that, we must also accept that our own actions have caused us to live in chaos.
Our own behavior and happiness is our own responsibility. Its hard to look at ourselves BUT WE MUST.
Please don’t stop loving, fighting for their lives, educating yourself on addiction. Our loved ones are sick with a disease. Hug them, love them…you just never know when they will accept the help to save their life.
Katie, A Mother’s Addiction Journey