The Trap House in Detroit-My Heroin Home, by Brittany

The Trap House - My Heroin HomeI did everything with it and nothing without it. It was my best friend, the love of my life, my soul mate. When I found heroin, I was complete. Nothing else mattered.

I didn’t have a care in the world

Until I was sweating and shaking, until I couldn’t get out of bed without it, until it caused me to abandon my family and friends. Until I disrespected my body and soul, until i realized I hadn’t showered in two weeks…

Until I didn’t know who Brittany was anymore.

I thought it was “cool” that my dealer cleaned out a room in the trap house for me to sleep in…to sleep on a filthy mattress, in a room with roaches, in a house with broken windows and no electricity. It was convenient for me…the drugs were close and that was “cool”.

Crazy as this may seem, none of it scared me.

After a year of shoving a needle in my arm 10 or more times a day, I was completely broken…mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually. I called my mom; I wanted help. She made every effort to save me, as always, and got me into a facility out in California.

But before I went, I had to use “one last time”. I got completely wrecked and started driving to the house. I hadn’t even made it a mile from my dealer’s house when I nodded out at the wheel and crashed my car. It was totaled. The car that my mom’s amazing friend Jen had given me, with the promise I would go to college…

I couldn’t even shower let alone go to college.

I walked down the road, in the pouring rain in east Detroit. As I’m walking back to my car, I hear “hey snow bunny”. I knew what was going to happen…I was completely terrified and tried to take off running.

Two men grabbed me by my hair, drug me into a field and beat the hell out of me. I could taste the blood in my mouth and felt it coming down from my nose. I remember every punch, kick, and every word that was said that day.

I was raped.

Now any “normal” person after that incident would probably think rationally. Like maybe I shouldn’t be in east Detroit alone, or I should get counseling, or something to not put yourself in that situation again.

All I thought was … I need to get high. Now.

And I was off.

2017-03-11T18:19:53+00:00

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50 Comments

  1. Kim May 2, 2016 at 5:22 pm - Reply

    You are so brave to tell your story, Britney. It will save lives!

  2. Ember May 2, 2016 at 5:57 pm - Reply

    Jesus?! Omg I’m glad your alive!! I understand ..ur struggle your ever day struggle !! The. Littlest thing can be a trigger! Your so beautiful! Herion is the devil’s playground? !! Stay strong sweetie! ! I am a survivor’ ! I’m in recovery have been for 2 years! Praise you stay strong honey

  3. Vivian May 2, 2016 at 6:01 pm - Reply

    Wow that’s very scary!

  4. Jennifer Lazzaro May 2, 2016 at 8:32 pm - Reply

    Wow I’m so sorry! 😥I’ve been raped twice in the days of my using and the first thing I thought after was I gotta get some dope so I don’t have to feel this way!

  5. Maggie Parris May 2, 2016 at 9:06 pm - Reply

    And you still give me hope for my girl..been thru all that too but still living that life. Thank you for hope

  6. Markita May 2, 2016 at 9:14 pm - Reply

    Thank GOD you make it out alive,continue to share your experience,strength,and hope,because your story will help someone.

  7. Robert Norris May 2, 2016 at 9:25 pm - Reply

    I am so sorry. With tears in my eyes I read the Trap House story. My God I’m so sorry. I grew up in Toledo and know Detroit well. I actually know where she was. I can’t imagine your pain. If there was anything I could do for your family I’d gladly do it.

    Bob

  8. Brittany Nicole May 3, 2016 at 12:28 am - Reply

    Thanks brittany for tellong your story i have never stayed in a trap house but i have a little girl to take care of and this story and a few not alot very few others that are brave enough to tell there tragic stories are helping me get off the nasty devil that takes over your lofe no one who has never done it does not understand but those who do it or have done it understand the struggle iylts hard painful and emotionally tragic. Some not all get away alove but those of us that dont please let those who are still using look at it as a wake up call cause many dont and keep using and end up the same way. Thank you so much again brittany your story is enouraging me even more.

  9. Brittany Nicole May 3, 2016 at 12:28 am - Reply

    Thank you so very much!

    • Kevin Sullivan May 3, 2016 at 8:11 am - Reply

      God bless you Brittany I’m glad you found your way.

  10. Jennifer sonnee May 3, 2016 at 4:05 am - Reply

    Wow, your story is all to familiar. I was introduced to Heroin & the needle after I relapsed at 6yrs sober/30yrs old. That was the beginning of a 16 yr very long road of self destruction. I didn’t know what was ahead waiting for me. Several hospital stays, I came down with ARDS 71%fatal (acute respiratory distress syndrome) to keep it short, my respiratory shut down after abusing my body with heroin, I had open heart surgery at 2yrs old (tetra ology a fallot) born w a hole size of half dollar, directly thru all 4 chambers & 5% chance to live. The first coma was in 2009 under for 24 days, from there I went thru a series of 6 more comas all drug induced by the Dr to keep me alive, almost died several times. The last one in 2013, my mother was told best case scenario I would have to live in a facility unable to do anything for myself for the rest of my life. I still couldn’t stop. A few rapes, beatings, jail, treatments (approx 27) I couldn’t get sober. Living homeless on the streets of Minneapolis, MN 5yrs once, then a yr or 2 here & there. Staying in abandon apts, garages, boiler room in apt bldgs, treatment, city buses, hospitals, shelters, motels/hotels, cars, jail, anywhere I could lay my head. I made the decision I was going to die a junkie & sadly didn’t care. Nothing mattered to me except getting more herion. I was subjected to many things that No one should ever even know exists or happens out there. I still didn’t care. I was spiritually broken, hated who I became, heroin was all I had left. 12mos ago I was staying in a shelter alone, I ran alone, didn’t trust a soul. I couldn’t take it anymore. it was try to live again or just die. I went into inpatient treatment for 7 months, I was scared to leave. My window faced the last shelter I stayed in. Everyday I looked out my room window & watched the homeless paying I don’t go back there. I now live in a beautiful sober house with my own room, I have a sponsor who has helped me more than I ever dreamed of. The list goes on with do much positive in my life. I just noticed the nature I forgot about. I love myself a lot more than before. I’m 11 months sober & by the grace oh God I will celebrate 1yr on June 4, 2016. Thank you for allowing me to share & for taking the time to read this. Please pray for Anyone that’s still suffering.
    One day at a time.

    • Lorrie May 3, 2016 at 11:13 pm - Reply

      Exactly one day at a time.Wow,Jenn,you’re amazing…I mean amazing, remember look in the mirror at that beautiful creation..God has a lot in store for you.Find your calling, boy I would love to hear what it is.You are MOST certainly here for a good reason. ..Don’t forget to always.
      Accept the good..

    • Erin May 5, 2016 at 9:50 am - Reply

      Your story sounds a lot like mine. We are both miracles. Stay strong & keep fighting the good fight!!!

    • Nicole May 6, 2016 at 2:38 pm - Reply

      Amazing journey. So brave to walk away from a powerful drug. You should be someone who helps other people. Ur story moved me to tears. Hope you celebrate your 1 year sober by doing something with the ones who were there for you.

    • Pam Parker May 7, 2016 at 8:31 pm - Reply

      Jennifer, thanks so much for sharing …I don’t understand how this happens but somewhere along the way my son found Heroin…3 detox 2 sober living 1 rehab all in 3 months time. I’m lost, but your story has brought me new hope

    • Sarah Histed May 19, 2016 at 10:53 am - Reply

      Wow Jennifer, your story, along with Brittany’s, is so touching for me to read. I don’t know either of you, but i do know your addiction, i do know the trap houses, the overdoses, and all of the other nightmares that go along with heroin using. I have been clean since January of 2016 from heroin. But i also am on the Suboxone program. I’m seeking treatment and feel in my heart and soul that I’m done. But I’m scared shitless of how I’m going to do when im off of the program. I just have to keep reminding myself of the fact that i survived some things that most people will never even have to think about, and that i am a woman. All three of us are women, therefore we are built to survive and be strong! I’m so very proud of both of you (Brittany and Jennifer). You’ve beat the odds, and so have I! Thank you for your truth, you’ve reminded me of how proud i need to be of myself. Keep living life ladies. One day at a time. Thank you

    • Lindsay May 20, 2016 at 2:20 am - Reply

      That is awesome!! Thanks for sharing your story I know it will help someone I am so sorry for what u went thur but it only makes u a stronger person keep at it now u are in control!! Stay strong, positive, happy, only u can make your life the way u want with love happiness that is so awesome u beat the devil I know it’s a everyday thing u have to go thru but u just tell yourself do I want to be where I was or where I am now good luck god is good

    • Daneille Steortz May 23, 2016 at 1:14 am - Reply

      1yr July5th here congrats & stay strong

    • Donna May 23, 2016 at 10:30 am - Reply

      You have a way to go but you r on the right path. 💪🏻You r strong and will become stronger everyday. Thanks for sharing your story.

  11. Nancy May 3, 2016 at 1:42 pm - Reply

    God bless you baby girl. Glad that you made it through everything you went and are going thru! I have 4 kids 24,19,18 and 11. I preach to them all the time about the usage of drugs and alcohol. Thank you for being so open and telling your story. It allows us mothers to extent that to our children so they can see the affects of it and the road that you could go down. Thank you for being so brave and may God continue to bless you. Stay up baby girl and keep moving forward. You have a lot to show and teach the world!

  12. sarah May 3, 2016 at 10:05 pm - Reply

    Been there. Know it all too well. 9 days straight n boy its not an easy thing to do!

    • Katie May 4, 2016 at 11:53 am - Reply

      Sarah, way to go!!!!!! EVERY day clean is a blessing!!!

  13. hope May 4, 2016 at 1:29 am - Reply

    I’m not a harion user but pain pills I’m trying hard to stop . It’s so hard its been the one thing that makes me forget my life my pain my past .. I’ started a yr ago few here there now I take 7 10 mg a day maybe more if I have alot on hand. I hate life now I realized this life is worse than the life I had befor not sure how to wing my self off them but I’m trying because I’m going to lose everything I use to tan get my hair nail done now it’s just pills I never dream I could ever spend $100 on pills but to date iv spent thasands my family has no clue not do my friends so doing alone is so hard wish me luck and prayers because I need them addiction is like a daemon on Ur back u can’t get rid of !!

    • Katie May 4, 2016 at 10:17 am - Reply

      honey, I just tried to email you but it bounced back. Please contact me katiedonovan01@gmail.com.

    • Cheryl May 4, 2016 at 4:57 pm - Reply

      Please get yourself some help going alone is very difficult and without a support network, the dress and sickness get so bad. I have never been a user but have help several friends with positive reinforcement. Even if you just go to me rings or find counseling, please find yourself a good support network.

    • Mary May 4, 2016 at 10:34 pm - Reply

      Hope, thank you for putting you request out here. I can’t imagine what you life is like, but I had a close family member use pills- I was around them often and didnt even know. Finally, someone spoke up and we did an intervention. They went into a rehab program, went on Suboxone. However, that too is very costly and they stopped it. I am praying that they continue to stay clean. I know there are 12 step programs that help you to go to your Higher Power, but I plead with you to call out to Jesus. He knows everything you’ve done and loves you deeply!! Look for people that will build you up and I pray that you, too will have an awesome success story (and it’s a success every day you are clean!!)

    • Jody May 18, 2016 at 10:19 am - Reply

      You got this!!! I understand completely. I too was secretly addicted to pills. No one knew, not my husband, not my children, not even my mother. My first time using I felt like super mom. I could do it all and still have the energy to do more. My home was scrubbed from top to bottom everyday and my children were loved and cared for. I thought without the pills I wouldn’t have the energy to do it all. I would no longer be the super mom my family knew. As time went on I needed more and more to get me through. It became a burden. I was taking money that could have bought something for my child and buying pills. I was taking time that could have been spent with family, hiding in a bathroom so they wouldn’t find out. I knew I wanted to stop. It was hard. I’m not going to say it was easy. But if you want it bad enough it is possible. I am now 5 years clean. I’ll admit there are still those days I think how easy it would be to just use one. Then I look at my family and know it won’t stay easy. Like I said in the beginning, YOU GOT THIS!!!!

    • Raz May 26, 2016 at 12:11 am - Reply

      You are amazing , never give up ! Stay true to yourself and listen to your heart, it wont steer you wrong. Keep up the fight, cuz, you will win! My day is 6/5/14 so 2 yrs! After 17 years of fighting myself. Kratom helps me stay sober and in a little less pain and a better outlook. What ever it takes to live on my terms, not the pills controlling me. Hang tough!

  14. Kim May 4, 2016 at 11:31 am - Reply

    I just read through all the stories you have posted, and am just amazed. I help out at celebrate recovery and we see a lot of this, but your details in the story of your lives really puts a ton of perspective on someone who has never done heroin. I pray that your story is heard, and saves lives! I will keep you and your family in my prayers and stay strong! I don’t know if I would have had the strength you have.

  15. Tracey May 4, 2016 at 1:11 pm - Reply

    My AS is 5 days off the heroin. Waiting for a clean urine sample for the oral naltrexone and setting him up for the Vivitrol injection. I prayed for the day he would ask for help! Thank you for telling your story and prayers to you and your family with this struggle!

  16. Kris May 4, 2016 at 3:45 pm - Reply

    Your gift is the ability to tell your story and you do it well. I am so incredibly proud of you! I hope you are too. Not everyone has that gift, to pull people in and engage them. I loved reading it and your other post. I see a lot of potential in you – perhaps a book, online book? I hope you continue to pursue it and any other goals you have for yourself. I’m so glad you have made it to this side. It gives me a lot of hope for my son and a lot of youth out there. Can I ask you a personal question and feel free not to answer it – are you on medication assistant treatment like suboxone, methadone or vivitrol? Just curious. Quite a few of “old school” counselors are against it and the government and some younger counselors and doctors are for it. I have my own opinion but of course compliance is always an issue. In my own upper middle class neighborhood there are more than 10 kids/young adults on heroin and 2 mothers and those are just the ones that I know about! It’s only getting worse, with restrictions on opiates, the W-18 drug already making its way thru Canada (1000x stronger than morphine) and now in the US, fentanyl – it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better. This country is in no way prepared or even preparing. My daughter told me a grade school teacher told her class that each one of them would know someone with cancer – it would touch every one of them. My daughter is now 18. She said she hasn’t known anyone personally with cancer but she doesn’t have enough fingers and toes for the people she knows with heroin addiction. Her brother is the addict but she doesn’t spend much time with him. But she now carries a Narcan kit under her driver’s car seat in case she is at a friend’s apartment or a party or anywhere (we know from experience – my son is a high functioning heroin user most of the time – and someone ODs. She feels it could make the difference. Having saved my son twice with Narcan recently, both times with seizures, I agree wholeheartedly. To all of the ignorant people who feel Narcan is a crutch to use and OD – like the governor of the state of Maine – shame on you, may you never have a loved one addicted to drugs. As long as they are alive there is hope. That Narcan saved my son, two times in ten days. He is now in out of state rehab. He has a long way to go, but at least he has taken a step in the right direction. Dead people can’t recover.

  17. Deb May 4, 2016 at 8:45 pm - Reply

    Both of my sons ages 25 and 31 are heroin addicts. I was totall blindsided when I found syringes and a spoon in my car. I foolishly thought we made it through the dangerous years. My life is now out of control. I have just started going to a parent group. I can’t remember the last time I slept a full night. I feel like such a failure as a parent. This drug is so scary. I Pray for all addicts and their families,

    • Chantel May 9, 2016 at 12:18 pm - Reply

      I am in recovery and I need to tell you and have you know that you are NOT a failure!!! It is not your fault! Addiction takes over people from ALL walks of life: rich or poor, good home life or disfuctional. Stay strong! I am so sorry you are going thru that! Keep hope!

  18. Amanda May 5, 2016 at 1:57 am - Reply

    Thank you for sharing. Though I’ve never used heroin, I am an addict. I spent most of my teenage yrs on ecstasy, crystal meth, weed, alcohol and then from the time I was 19 until 25 I did Cocaine EVERY day. Then I got pregnant with my son and got clean. I’ve done things I’m not proud of to obtain drugs. I’ve justified things that have happened to me based on the fact that had I not been on drugs they wouldn’t have happened, so inevitably it was my fault . After my son was born and his father left I slipped a couple of times. October of this year will mark 5 yrs clean. Stay strong and continue to share your story. Not only will it help you but it’ll help others. Anyone who suffers from addiction knows how hard it is, just remember every morning is a fresh start to living a clean life and every night you go to bed clean is a triumph. I too live in Detroit and many times have found myself in places I should have never been. Be thankful, Be strong and take it one day at a time!!!!

  19. Gabriel Rheaume May 5, 2016 at 9:46 pm - Reply

    <3

  20. Anon May 6, 2016 at 2:42 pm - Reply

    This story will save 1,000,000+ lives. Keep posting, stay strong. You are so so so so amazing I could say it a thousand times!

  21. Lisa May 7, 2016 at 8:10 am - Reply

    I myself is not the addict … But I have have been through everything that each & everyone of you have mentioned … I have been to the scary places but I am on the other side .. I have seen so much that I have never wanted to in my life.herion is the worst of the worst & as a person who looks at it from the outside its just As bad . I have stayed up nights worrying & I have been verbally abused because I did r have any money to give for this devil .. I have saved his life time & time again I am so burned out that this drug is killing me not because I’m doing it but because someone I love & care about is . I ha e lost several People in my life to this devil & a lot of the time it’s not to ones who want to get high it’s to ones that HAVE to do it to stay alive . I can’t express to you all how proud I am of you for stepping up & admitting You have a problem & you are trying or have over powered this demon in your life . Keep up the strength & always know God is on your side just keep strong to fight the demon .

  22. http://www.mebeforeyou.org May 7, 2016 at 7:28 pm - Reply

    Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wished to say
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  23. Chantel May 9, 2016 at 12:25 pm - Reply

    Thank you for sharing!!! I have barely been sober 3 weeks and ur story helps remind me of all the things I am risking even for one more shot! Thank you for being so brave and honest!

    • Katie May 12, 2016 at 10:30 am - Reply

      way to go Chantel!

    • Casey May 13, 2016 at 2:11 pm - Reply

      Chantel – so happy to read you are on the recovery road! Good Luck! You can do it!

  24. Anna May 9, 2016 at 3:21 pm - Reply

    This blog inspires me so much! You remind me so much of my self. I grew up with a great family and never did drugs and no one wold would ever though I would until I met one guy who changed everything. It started out with small stuff just taking percocets to snorting them then going up on stronger pain medicine to eventually Opana’s which is basically government herion. I told my self I would never shoot up and then I did and fell in love with it I would do anything I can to get that high..lie, steal, pawn anything I could. I could never get enough and would do anything to make sure I got it. I am now off of shooting up. I’m in a methadone clinic and In threpary there, meetings and NA meetings. I am doing a lot better and slowly getting my life back together but it’s still hard and I still crave and think about shooting up everyday. I even have dreams about it. I hope it will get easier as time goes on. Thank you Brittany and Katie for sharing your story. It feels good to read what others go through and to know you’re not alone even if you feel alone. God Bless you Both

  25. Just me May 10, 2016 at 8:37 pm - Reply

    I’m sorry death got to you. I hope you have asked God to put life in your heart instead. As you said no fear…the woman that fears the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and honor. Without it we are dead and we do not fear. Love makes you fear and love makes you want to protect and be protected. Since your writing this I’m assuming it’s over praising God for your long and unaddicted life.

  26. Rachel May 21, 2016 at 8:14 pm - Reply

    Stay on the path to living a sober life! Just admitting to yourself that you are an addict and have a problem is half the battle. I lost my brother almost a year ago to his heroin addiction. He would travel to Toledo to get what he thought he needed. He was sure he could keep a handle on his habit. He was wrong and now we have to live in this world without him. I wouldn’t want your mother, family and friends to feel the pain and heartache that I do that I couldn’t save my brother. You are worth more then a quick fix. I saved your blog and will keep checking back to make sure you keep on believing your life is worth saving.

  27. tina smith May 24, 2016 at 7:59 am - Reply

    I feel so helpless and truly believe this is a suicide not from my son. The people around him have been dealing with the lies and stealing to get his next fix. I am 1000 miles away and feel my son is crying out for help. I need some advice. Someone please help me find my son.

  28. Jennifer sonnee May 24, 2016 at 6:09 pm - Reply

    Wow, thank you so much for such great comments, when I seen brittanys story & replied by sharing a part of mine, I didn’t know it was like a personal blog of hers! I was just so amazed as to řeading post of her story, I know there’s so much more to her story, as it would take too long to write it out! Iwant to start my own blog & share parts of my story each week, I feel its very important that people know they are not alone. I will try to come back & let you know the name of the blog. My name is Jennifer Sonnee. Thank you so much for being so interested in my story & for all your great comments.

  29. Jennifer sonnee May 24, 2016 at 11:54 pm - Reply

    Hi there, Thank you so much for the response & all the kind words. Congratulations on your recovery time.One day at a time. I wanted to ask you, why do you have to get off the suboxone? Talk to ur dr & let them know how much is helping you & ur fears about getting off it, I was on for over 3yrs with relapses, but this past year, I have remained sober
    since the day I started with this new dr. There’s got to be a way for you to continue on it until u feel comfortable enough to stop. Advocate for yourself. You can do this. Protect ur recovery. I’ll look for your response, if you don’t mind responding. 😁 again thank you for all your time.

    • Sarah Histed May 25, 2016 at 11:22 am - Reply

      Hi Jennifer,
      I was told by my doctor that there have been some changes in the state of Michigan. A person is only allowed 1 year of Suboxone treatment in their LIFETIME with the insurance that i have. As crazy as that sounds, is the truth. Now, i may be able to seek treatment on my own, but I’d have to forfeit my insurance entirely and pay for treatment out of pocket, which isn’t exactly cheap, and after being involved in an addiction like this, I’m not exactly rich. Lol. It’s just a way for Michigan to try to cut costs due to heroin addiction becoming an epidemic. So at this time, working on getting off of it, and even allowing myself a few free months in casei Relapse, God forbid, has been suggested to me. Not sure what state your living in, i know Brittany is in Michigan, but that’s the reality here. I most definitely think you should start a blog of your own, if you do, please let me know. Thanks for reading, hope all is well.

  30. Christie May 31, 2016 at 8:40 pm - Reply

    Dear Brittany – Ever since I read your blog, I can’t stop praying for you. My present to you is Philippians 1:6 “Being confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.” If you ever need encouragement, please feel free to e-mail or Facebook message me.

  31. Mae July 11, 2016 at 7:54 am - Reply

    Brittany ,
    So sorry you had to go through that, do you know how lucky you are to be alive? Everytime you risk overdose and death and Im sure you know that…you have three choices when your an addict…you’re either in recovery, relapse or dead. I pray that you found a way to get help, recovery houses are also amazing…they help you get your life back. Hope all is well and know that you have people in your life that love you endlessly.

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