Addicted to the Addict

Addicted to the AddictAs I’m sitting here on a flight right now to Denver to speak at an event, I’m feeling an enormous mix of emotions.  You see, I haven’t written in a while and I miss it so much.  This is my heart, where I can personally find some healing by writing, connect with others in spirit and hopefully, help another person who may read this.

When I first started the blog in April, I was SO nervous.  I had never written before, let alone go PUBLIC with my own crazy life!  I built this website not having a damn clue what I was doing.  Literally.  Googling this, you tubing that, I stumbled and bobbled my way through it and so began my little nugget of love.

When I hit “publish” for the very first time, I sobbed. I was so scared of people reading it….or people NOT reading it.  Insecurities, raw emotion, pain, all came rushing thru at that very moment.

Within 30 days of that first post, over a million people in 146 countries read it. I thought there had to be a mistake.  This doesn’t make sense!  But it was true…and it kept growing daily.  I was overwhelmed with emotion, my daughter and I screaming in disbelief, laughing like we were losing it!

The stories people wrote to me, sharing their deepest, most raw pain. Families going thru what I went thru.  Families who have lost loved ones.  Those in recovery, those still struggling.  It was so beautiful. I should rephrase…It IS so beautiful.

Something happened though…during this process, I started becoming very close to them.  I was obsessed, my heart feeling their pain, crying tears right along with them.  And the calls, messages, emails, texts, well they didn’t stop coming.  In the morning before I had my coffee, during the evening when I’m at my youngest softball game, weekends while I’m at dinner with my husband, the middle of the night while I’m sleeping.  I couldn’t NOT answer, these people NEEDED me!

The more the calls and messages came, the harder I worked, most days getting about 4 hours of sleep.  My house became messy, laundry not done, grocery shopping fell to the wayside.  While I do work full time, I am blessed to be able to work from home.  But still never found the time to go to the gym, lunch with friends, return calls from family.  I was speaking at events all across the US, attending rally’s, advocating at court for people, facilitating new projects and I’m also on 2 boards.  I became immersed.

I was forgetting dentist appointments, oil changes and even milk at the store.  My family was getting frustrated with me as I was ALWAYS on the phone…whether talking or messaging with people struggling.  Please let me say that they are VERY supportive and proud of me.  But they saw me drifting away…not listening to what was going on in their lives.  I was physically present, but definitely not mentally.

 

I started to forget about me.

I stopped practicing self care.

I stopped working on my OWN recovery.

I was addicted to the addict again.

 

When Brittany struggled, I became obsessed with saving her.  Digging in on research, finding the latest and greatest discovery, calling her consistently throughout the day, checking her social media  to see when the last time she was on, I gained weight, stopped working out and just lost who I was.

And I’m doing it again.

I need to get back to writing, back to the gym, back to creating healthy boundaries so that I can truly function at 100%.  Its very hard for me to do that…when I know people need someone.

I also know I am only one person.

In order for me to put the oxygen mask back on, I need some help.  I know now its OK to reach out…I always kept quiet before. I can’t pretend I can handle the thousands of emails that come, the calls and messages.  Its literally impossible.  Any volunteers?  🙂

My goal is to build this website as a total resource for people.  Everything related to addiction, in addition to sending out newsletters,  motivational nuggets, tips for families.   You need it, deserve it and I WILL do this!

Hugs,
Katie

katie@amothersaddictionjourney.com

visit me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/katieandbrittanysaddictionjourney

2017-03-14T14:24:10+00:00

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30 Comments

  1. Rob Lohman December 4, 2016 at 5:58 pm - Reply

    Thank you for reminder in the power of putting pen to paper (or fingers to the keyboard). I feel inspired. Rob Lohman

  2. Lorraine stevenson December 4, 2016 at 6:12 pm - Reply

    Well done and so true. We’ve just put our son out the house three days ago and I got this email. I feel it’s for a reason , I don’t know how to help but maybe it’s what I’m supposed to do to help me and others still struggling and living in fear. Thanks Lorraine stevenson,Ontario ,Canada

  3. Megan wiborg December 4, 2016 at 6:14 pm - Reply

    I’m currently a stay at home mom and would love to help you out from mn.

  4. Lorraine stevenson December 4, 2016 at 6:14 pm - Reply

    Well done and so true. We’ve just put our son out the house three days ago and I got this email. I feel it’s for a reason , I don’t know how to help but maybe it’s what I’m supposed to do to help me and others still struggling and living in fear. Thanks Lorraine stevenson,Ontario ,Canada
    I haven’t said this already,I just wrote it

  5. Cassidy December 4, 2016 at 6:33 pm - Reply

    You are amazing!! Take care of you ♡

  6. Tricia Olive December 4, 2016 at 6:43 pm - Reply

    Hi Katie, I volunteer to help in any way I can. I myself have 29 years sobriety and have learned a lot trying to help my son Ryan. Thank God you were there.

  7. AnnMarie December 4, 2016 at 7:27 pm - Reply

    I was just given your name from a friend and I read two of your blogs and cried. My daughter is currently in recovery for the second time. My heart is broken and I am grateful for your blog because I know I’m not alone. I don’t know about volunteering because this is saw raw for me I don’t know if I can help others when I’m strugggling to help myself and my other family members deal with my daughters heroin addiction. But I want to thank you for your blogs!

    • Ann Sosnoski December 7, 2016 at 10:27 pm - Reply

      I need to help!

    • Ann Sosnoski December 7, 2016 at 10:48 pm - Reply

      You are not forgotten and your families story gives me strength. My daughter is still struggling and my family is in pain. I have spent all day today finding rehab and to get home to see your story gives me hope. Ugh such a long day and no damn solution !still waiting for a bed and she is double insuranced. I am willing to pay. But they keep sending her away. They said she really doesn’t want help. But she begs me. ?

  8. Amy Cooper December 4, 2016 at 7:35 pm - Reply

    Prayers for a wonderful week!! ❤️???

  9. Sherry Tidwell December 5, 2016 at 7:21 am - Reply

    I think you did an awesome thing trying to help others! I’ve been their and we can get addicting to helping others also!!! I’m also in recovery! I’ve got a daughter that needs to be bad! Keeps my life and my Mother in nots!!! These diease will kill you! I’ve been around family members that have died from it!! By the Grace of God I’m still here!!! I can relate to you totally!!!!! I would much rather help someone else than myself and I don’t get that still till this day!! My daughter will not take any advice from me!!!! Very heart broken mommy and nana!!!!

    • Ann Sosnoski December 7, 2016 at 10:54 pm - Reply

      I am praying for you!

  10. Ellen December 5, 2016 at 9:47 am - Reply

    I understand. Need to read your helpful thoughts
    Mother of an addict

  11. Laurie pelott December 5, 2016 at 9:57 am - Reply

    You do need to take care of yourself. My therapist taught me something early on in my road to recovery it’s that I cNt help my family if I am not well. You can’t be bleeding and go into the battlefield, help care for oneself then help others. Teach them give them the tools to get up function find the new way of life. You can’t carry them ( I tried) and was no good to anyone. You can give them the shoulder to lean on you can sit with them pray,listen or just be still. If you are looking for volunteers to help you please let me know

  12. Lora Bowles December 5, 2016 at 10:21 am - Reply

    I would love to volunteer to help!! ?

  13. Chris Phillips December 5, 2016 at 10:39 am - Reply

    I would love to volunteer and participate in what you have started ! Let me know how I can help. This would help me as well. I’ve been living this life with my daughters addiction for just about 10 years. Currently trying to put our story on paper. Everytime I read someone else’s story I realize that there is a common bond of pain that we as parents experience. I would love to help others.
    Chris

  14. Ann December 5, 2016 at 10:39 am - Reply

    I have just started following because I found my daughter passed out in my bathroom from heroin. The needle still in hand. What an aweful sight! A true nightmare that I am now living. This blog helps me cope. It is definitely a day-to-day battle.

    Thank you so much for sharing!

  15. Shannon Rozell December 5, 2016 at 12:08 pm - Reply

    We are a team Katie! Shannon at Acadia, multiple treatment centers across the US, friendly with many insurances. 810-341-3573. Count me in! I am VERY familiar with the struggle of “asking for help” and how life-balance is slowly yet quickly stolen when you are in rescue mode.

  16. Sandy Sherman December 5, 2016 at 4:53 pm - Reply

    Katie!

    I share your feelings, emotions, and down right need to respond to every email, talk to every person and just be “all that” to all people….You see, I’m an Addicts Mom and I’ve been through hell and back and had decided, long ago, that I was going to take my life back. Everything you said resonates with me. So, I also, decided to do something about it. I wrote a book, which comes out December 15, 2016, I started a business as a Life/Parent Recovery Coach and am just started my own blog on recovery of the parent. I had such a strong desire to get my message out in the world and to help other Mothers that are in need of support, guidance and to gain some peace in their lives.

    I would love to reach out to help you! but, I have to preface that I am a coach and I get paid for my services. I would love to contribute if you are okay with the fact that I do make a living with coaching.

    Thanks and much love to you Katie! You are doing amazing work!

    P.S. My website is coming soon. Currently being developed….just an fyi

    Sandy Sherman

  17. shanna white December 5, 2016 at 7:26 pm - Reply

    I woukd live to help you in anyway I can. I have been following since April. You have no idea how much you have helped me. I am back at the gym!! Focusing on me while still trying help my daughter stay sober! 2489203900. Text me if u need any help at all!!

  18. Joanne December 6, 2016 at 2:02 pm - Reply

    Very well written. I for one understand. So many of us for one person. You are always helpful in many ways but your life and family needs are so important. Live for you and your family. Your blogs speaking events and passion still helps all of us. Your words and stories are out there for us to draw upon. I personally thank you for your courage and helpfulness. Have a wonderful holiday season.

  19. Sharon Heeke December 6, 2016 at 9:22 pm - Reply

    Prayers for you, also prayers needed back for me as we go thru my sons addiction to heroin and anything else he gets his hands on ?

  20. Jodi Dale December 7, 2016 at 5:46 pm - Reply

    Oh Honey, addiction to the addict is something I know too well. But, you’ve gotten to a place where’ ‘it’s time.’ Get yourself and your life back, you deserve and have earned it. Your project will have you teaching a larger audience while at the same timegivinf allowing you a full personal life. Good luck on all you do-you are wonderful!

  21. Ann Sosnoski December 7, 2016 at 10:23 pm - Reply

    Yes I have also spent today at 3 rehabs trying to get my daughter in. I contacted you months ago about my struggles. At that point I thought maybe there was hope….. months later we are at square one with more relapses and insurance issues and oh yes jail. In 2 counties we are facing charges. Talk about losing hope? Today I spent my time from the east side to the west side of michigan to get a rehab to except my daughter. Just got home and saw your post. Let’s just say I am tired. I am thankful that your post was here to give me hope!

  22. Renee Baxter December 19, 2016 at 10:33 am - Reply

    Katie I just want to thank you for all your support, I was so rapped up in my struggle of my adult sons addition ,I didn’t think of how many other people you were helping. You must be exhausted. I will be on board to help as soon as my son is recovery. This is his forth time in rehab and he has two small chikdren, just thought I would through that out there. I just read your blog and I was one those people you helped when you were in Denver thank you again. I hope you have a wonderful family filled holiday season.
    I am he king into support groups near saginaw mi if anyone has any suggestion I would really appreciate it. This is going to be a tough holiday . This is my first time posting .

  23. Jodie L January 1, 2017 at 7:20 pm - Reply

    Please let me know if you still need help.
    Sincerely,
    Jodie L

    • Renee Baxter January 9, 2017 at 7:59 pm - Reply

      I need help more than ever. My son passed away on January 2 , days after getting out of rehab. It is such a difficult time I can’t even begin to explain the pain I’m in

      • Jodie January 14, 2017 at 9:16 pm - Reply

        I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child. I should have put Kates name in my comment. I was actually responding to her reaching out for help on her blog. There are many sites on facebook that have great support groups. I have joined many sites on facebook that deal with addict and they have helped me tremendously in dealing with my addicted child. If you have a facebook, please join The Addicts Parent closed group. They have a sub group-Survivors of Loss. Please look into that. They have a wonderful group of people running the sites. Again, I am so very sorry for your loss. It breaks my heart.

  24. Padie Cope January 19, 2017 at 2:46 am - Reply

    Hi Katie,
    My name is Padie, I have two RAS’s. I do not work anymore, retired Nurse. I am offering my services in any manner that would help you…in order for you to continue with a lil less burden. Because US moms need you. I also live in the suburbs of the Detroit area. Please allow me to be a part of something great for the CAUSE…. you and your daughter are the kind of people we need more of. I’m looking forward to speaking to you.
    1 of the million mother’s that understands completely, because your story is my story in the mirror. But is still learning daily, Padie
    Member of TAM, MAT

  25. Dee Lee March 18, 2017 at 11:12 am - Reply

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I cried reading it because this is exactly what I’m going through. It seems to be the same story that is being told over and over again by mother’s (and father’s) who are dealing with a son or daughter caught up in this epidemic. I’m so sorry that you are going through this as well. However, I am glad that you found a place in your life where you can find some peace. I feel as though I fight harder for my daughter’s recovery than she does. But I also know how drugs can alter the brain which may affect how they think/cope with their addiction. Thank you for sharing! You have helped me to rethink some of the things that I am doing to my family as well.

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